Pay Your Bills!

'PAY YOUR BILL OR ELSE!'
A householder has received a letter threatening to put him in hospital if he did not pay his phone bill.
Factory worker Kevin Harding, 39, owed the Post Office £292 after racking up the bill phoning his girlfriend who lives in the United States.

Mr Harding, from Carlisle in Cumbria, reduced his bill from £360 to £292 and agreed to pay it off in instalments.
But he then received the letter threatening him with violence and demanding £600, according to the Daily Mirror.
The letter reads: "Dear Mr Harding, With regards to your bill, your balance presently stands at £292.65p as from 23rd August your bill will be £600.
"Failure to pay will result in you being hospitalised. If you thought the events of July 7th and July 21st were bad that is nothing compared to what will happen to you."
It continues: "If you fail to pay your outstanding bill, we have told you verbally what we will do to you. This is just to remind you we will carry out our promise."
Royal Mail Group, which owns the Post Office, said it had launched an investigation, along with the police.
They had discovered the letter was not written on official Post Office Ltd headed paper.
A spokesman for Royal Mail said: "It is not an official letter from the Post Office, we would never send out any letter threatening customers."

Top 100 Sexiest Men In The World

slight change of the top 1o tradition today, this is in honour of the list in the lates issue of company magazine. in no particular order, and not including all the men in the company list:

1) sean bean
2) john cusack
3) mel gibson
4) adam levine
5) eric bana
6) dougray scott
7) will young
8) heath ledger
9) jake gyllenhaal
10) charlie simpson
11) paul walker
12) johnny knoxville
13) viggo mortensen
14) pierce brosnan
15) elijah wood
16) jon bon jovi
17) richard gere
18) darius danesh
19) jonathan ross
20) jared leto
21) christian bale
22) duncan james
23) matt le blanc
24) antonio banderas
25) ronan keating
26) lee ryan
27) colin firth
28) matt damon
29) kelly jones
30) owen wilson
31) luke wilson
32) kiefer sutherland
33) joaquin phoenix
34) jeremy edwards
35) enrique iglesias
36) hugh grant
37) clive owen
38) hugh jackman
39) ewan mcgreggor
40) marcus patrick
41) keanu reeves
42) colin farrell
43) jesse metcalfe
44) fran cosgrave
45) ben adams
46) matthew mcconaughey
47) chad michael murray
48) frank lampard
49) freddie ljungberg
50) george clooney
51) tom cruise
52) steve jones
53) callum best
54) ashton kutcher
55) nigel harman
56) david beckham
57) jude law
58) johnny depp
59) orlando bloom
60) brad pitt
61) ioan gruffudd
62) david tennant
63) gerrard way
64) billy joe armstrong
65) dave grohl
66) damon albarn
67) haydn christensen
68) james blunt
69) lauri ylonen
70) johnny borrell
71) matt bellamy
72) joel madden
73) rupert everett
74) jamie theakston
75) ben affleck
76) christian bale
77) jim carrey
78) toby maguire
79) charlie hunnam
80) ben stiller
81) dominic monaghan
82) josh hartnett
83) mark wahlberg
84) christian slater
85) timothy dalton
86) rob lowe
87) sean astin
88) billy boyd
89) james dean
90) will mellor
91) nigel harman
92) david wenham
93) tom welling
94) david boreanz
95) dean caine
96) jeremy sheffield
97) ryan phillippe
98) vince vaughn
99) harrison ford
100) david walliams

Naughty Or Nice?

Answer the following questions with “YES” or “NO”.For every “YES” add 2 points . The questions are 50. That means that if you had all of them as yes then you will be 100 % bad. It is that simple and that easy. Here are the questions
Have you ever
1:Lied? 2:Stolen? 3:Betrayed a friend? 4:Smoked a cigarette? 5:Smoked a cigar?
6:Smoked weed? 7:Drunk? 8:Cheat in a test? 9:Cheated on someone? 10:Used someone?
11:Ran away from work? 12)Played sick to skip work? 13) said the f word?
14)done “F”sign with your finger?15:Said “Shit”? 16Played Poker? 17Gambled on something?18:Hit somebody?>19:Destroy your class or skool in a way?>20: Shouted in someone’s face?21:Told someone you hated him/her?>22:Ignored someone?>23:Made fun of someone?24:Hurted a pet or an animal?>25:Made any sexual behavior?
26:Told a secret of your friend?>27:Painted the public walls with spray paint?>
28:Made a fire in a garbage can in the street?>29:Broke the glass or headlights of a car?
30:Gave the owner of a restaurant a hard time?>31:Raised your voice on your Mom?32:Raised your voice on your Dad?>33:Raised your voice on your teacher?>34:Disobeyed your Mom?35:Disobeyed your Dad?>36:Disobeyed your teacher?>37:Ran away from home?>
38:Tried to kill yourself?>39:Tried to kill someone else?>
40:Used your computer for bad things?>41:Used the TV to watch bad things?>
42:Watched “over 18 years “ MOVIES?>43:Taped these “R” rated movies?>
44:Used your money to buy these kinds of movies?>45:Seen bad pictures?>
46:Buy or sell these bad pictures?>47:Said a bad word to a family member?>
48:Hated or cursed the country u were born in?>49:Blamed or cursed “life”?>50:Blamed or Cursed God or religion?

Advice To Women

15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR ALL WOMEN BE IT MUM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Joke

read this in the daily star - quality source of entertainment! :) (also continuing with the newspaper theme):

a man sees a beggar in the street and goes to walk past him. he then sees a sign above the beggar's head saying "falklands war hero. the man walks over, hands three £20 notes to the beggar saing " i was in the falklands myself". the beggar replies "gracias senor! muchos gracias!".

Happy Birthday To Me!

ok so it was my birthday on sunday - but im still celebrating! my old team at work have just presented me with my birthday pressies. i received - a teddy bear, and irish coffee kit (mmmm!), the magic numbers album and, for some reason, chocolate condoms! bless them

Top 10 Uses For A Newspaper

1) Put it by the toilet to read.
2) Put it by the toilet in case you run out of toilet paper.
3) Shred it to make confetti.
4) Recycle.
5) Roll it up and squah flies!
6) Roll it up and look through it, pretending to be a pirate!
7) Put it on the windowsill and discover the magic of fading!
8) Take it to work and show off that you get paid less than everyone!
9) Sit down in your armchair and pretend to read it incase any unwanted guests show up!
10) Read it!

Top 10 Drinks From Childhood

1) ribena
2) vimto
3) caprisun
4) um bongo
5) robinsons orange
6) dr pepper
7) yazoo strawberry
8) nesquik strawberry
9) apple juice
10) milk!

This Is So True

When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard:
"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, Woe to those who call evil good, but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem.
We have abused power and called it politics.
We have coveted our neighbour's possessions and called it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.
We have ridiculed the time-honoured values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.
Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!"

Top 10 Retro Crisps

1) salt n shake
2) smokey beckham
3) potato puffs
4) cheetos
5) skips
6) monster munch
7) discos
8) quavers
9) hula hoops
10) chip sticks

not a very inspired list! my memory is crap. any help?

Did You Know?

did you know that the ones who spend time protecting others are the ones that really need protecting?
did you know that the three most difficult things to say are i love you, sorry and help me? the people who say these are actually in need of them or really feel them, and they're the ones you need to treasure.
did you know that those who need more of you are those that dont mention it to you?

V Festival Highlights (Saturday)

i ended up watching V from the comfort of my sofa :( i got so pissed that i decided to take notes while watching the highlights so i could remember what happened! sad i know. but ive decided to type here exactly what i wrote when drunk, so , here goes! hope it amuses...

• oasis - couldnt hear them over the crowds! songs: (what's the story) morning glory, cigarettes and alcohol (appropiate!), the importance of being idle, dont look back in anger.
• magic numbers - forever lost. great song! great performance
• the bravery - honest mistake. very disappointing. could barely hear them!
• GLC - your mrs is a nutter. these lot are nutters more like! and just how many of them are there anyway?!
• kt tunstall - other side of the world. "this is dedicated to everyone who's had a long distance relationship. what were you thinking?". great performance as usual. fantastic voice!
• adam levine (maroon 5) - " just wear a hood, drink lots of beer and tell everyone to fuck off!" (festival survival tips).
• kaiser chiefs - songs: everyday i love you less and less, i predict a riot. not the best live performance voice-wise, but amazing stage preference (i think i meant presence!) and energy. lead singer went crowd surfing. nearly got ripped apart.
• the zutons - you will you wont. fantastic live! love the fact they have a saxophone.
• the streets - fit but you know it. not difficult to sing live! just speaking over music! pretty cool!

madness. utter madness....(shakes head in shame)

Top 10 Retro Sweets

1) flying saucers
2) fruit salads
3) dolly beads
4) candy lipsticks
5) sherbert dip dabs
6) cola cubes
7) candy shrimps
8) milk bottles
9) dolly mixtures
10) refreshers

any more ideas for top 10 lists? keep em comin people....

Another Silly Customer

"you know the voicemail? is that similar to the answering machine service?". spare me....

Silly Song Titles

get balsamic vinegar..... quick you fool - snow patrol
satan gave me a taco - beck
do da da - green day
emenius sleepus - green day
this cocaine makes me feel like im on this song - system of a down
sticky teenage twin - snow patrol
purgatorying - alanis morisette
fuck you aurora - alkaline trio
fuck armageddon....this is hell! - bad religiion
aye aye aye - santana
godeatgod - marilyn manson
king of ass kissing - the hives

Top Ten Chocolate Bars

1) aero
2) twix
3) bournville dark chocolate
4) kit kat orange
5) twirl
6) time out
7) cadburys fruit and nut
8) toffe crisp
9) galaxy ripple
10) mars bar

Embarassing Stories

"One time when I was out clubbing I needed to go to the toilet but they were very dirty. I decided to do the hovering trick but as I was mid-urination I slipped on the wet floor face first on to the floor and wedged my head between the door and the floor I couldnt reach my knickers to pull them up and the fire brigade had to be called to cut me out of the door. Mortification" .

"I went to the tanning bed for the first time for only 10 minutes and I came out with little red bumps all over me and they burned really really bad. and I could never figure out why and then I was talking to my friend ryan who works there and the stuff that I sprayed on my body that I thought was water was actually cleaning solution that they clean the beds with "

"One time i went to this party and i was wrecked and i came out the bathroom with my pants unzipped and my piece hangin out and i was just walkin around with adults and i didnt no it was out"

Re-name

http://www.babynames.com/Names/rename.php

click the link, enter your name, and find your new identity!

New Tradition

im starting a new blog tradition - im going to do a top 10 list every day! todays list - top 10 things to eat on toast! in no particular order.....

1) beans
2) tinned turkey
3) egg
4) butter
5) chocolate spread
6) spam
7) cheese
8) spaghetti hoops
9) strawberry jam
10) tinned tomatoes

any ideas for more lists? please add to comments and i will endeavour to complete one each day....

Story Time!

this afternoon, myself and jon played the story game - one person makes up a line for a story, the other person adds the next line, and so on and so forth. here is the result of our hard work (lol!), entitled "Shrek 3 : The Porn Movie".....

in a castle on a hill, there lived a princess with a very big problem. she had two heads! how was she to persuade a handsome prince that she was worthy of marriage? so she sat in her castle, thinking about how to resolve her problem. one day, she came up with a solution. 'I know' she thought. 'Maybe I should go and see the witch that lives in the woods'.

so, at midnight, when everyone was asleep, she crept out of the castle and headed for the woods. on her way there, she heard a rustling in the bushes. She felt her heart stop for a moment. she knelt down to see what was there and found the witch's pet ferret, Sid. he said "fuck me sideways! you've got 2 heads!", and he looked at her with a mixture of fear and intrigue. the princess said "fuck me! you're a foul mouthed little chap aren't you? im looking for the old hag, is she home?". "fuck you? with those heads? actually..... anyway, you'd be foulmouthed too if you had to live with that foul smelling wench. i'll take you to her".

so sid took her to the witch's house, where the princess fainted at the shock of the strong smell. when she came around, the most beautiful woman she had ever seen was standing over her. she said "i am your fairy godmother" said the beautiful woman, whose name was Malodorous Molly. She continued " i thought i heard your dulcet tones" she said to the princess. "i've heard your plight. here's how i can help you...."

"in the hills, there lives an ogre" she continued. "and he has a similar problem to you. when you see him, you will know what to do". so the princess returned to the castle, packed her bags, and began the long walk to the distant hills. on her way, she encountered sid again, who said "oi bitch! you're going the wrong way! follow me". after 3 days of travelling. they neared the ogre's cave in the hills.

the princess asked sid "do i look ok? hows my hair?". sid replied "for fuck's sake, its an ogre, and your hairs look fine you dozy bint. now get in there and see what's what!". so the princess went into the cave, and screamed loudly. "oh my god!" she said. "you've got 2 penises!". the ogre said "yes, yes i have, and an ancient prophecy says that the only one that can break my curse (?) is a woman with two heads". "i wonder, could that have been me?" she said.

the ogre replied " i hope so, its been so long since i was a handsome, wealthy prince that i feared i would never meet the one who might free me. did you come here with a foul mouthed ferret?". "if you mean sid, then thats correct. why?" she said. "that was the proof i needed, for the prophecy spoke of a two-headed woman who would be led here by a foul-mouthed ferret named sid. it must be you!" he said, and smiled widely. " and what did the prophecy say i need to do?" she said.

"well its a little personal..." he said, at which point sid shouted in. "he wants you to suck his cocks!". the princess said " oh no! i dont do bestiality". to which sid replied " no his penises you silly tart". the princess said "oh! and is that what the prophecy says mr ogre?". and the ogre said "yes ma'am. get on your knees!". so the princess knelt down and began to suck. then, a strange thing began to happen... the princess noticed that one of the ogre's penises had begun to shrink. at the same time, she could feel one of her heads getting smaller.

sid looked on and said "golly gosh! i think its working. and i cant seem to swear anymore - whats with that?". suddenly, malodorous molly reappeared. "yes sid. because you see, the curse didnt just affect the prince and princess". sid noticed that molly didnt smell anymore, and he could feel a strange thing happening to him too. his body was changing! his fur was getting thinner, his whiskers shorter. "yes sid" said the fairy godmother. " the ogre isnt the only one who used to be a handsome prince..."

"blimey!" said sid, and he noticed that the ogre was now a dashing prince just like him. "you know molly, ive always had a soft spot for you". "i'd say it was rather a hard spot actually" she said, looking at the impressive bulge in his trousers. "well yeah, that too!" he said with a wolfish grin. with that, he whisked her off to the plush hotel that just happened to be situated a mere mile away.

left alone, the princess and the ogre looked into each other's eyes, and the ogre ( who of course was now a very handsome prince) , said " im not quite sure if that curse has been totally lifted you know". " cheeky!" said the princess, winking and kneeling before him once more....

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

THE END

Todays News

nice english football to calm thai riots - sounds ridiculous straight away! the government are handing out 500 tv sets to allow people to watch the premiership for free in a bid to stop the violence in the south of the country. not quite sure how thats gonna work....
boozy brits - holiday facts - brits are the biggest drinkers on holiday and the most likely to get in trouble with the police. we are the worst at staying in the sun too long and the first to run out of money.we are also the most likely to speak the local language and the second most likely to sample local food. the british holidaymaker is also the likeliest to have a holiday romance and get homesick. and finally - we are runners-up to the germans in putting towels down to reserve sun loungers!
uk hit by sperm donor crisis - the uk government's plans to increse the availability of fertility treatment has been thwarted by a lack of sperm donors. it is thought this is due to new legislation which means sperm donors are no longer guaranteed anonymity. they are even looking into the possibility of importing anonymous sperm from abroad!

Top 40 Number Ones

watching tv last night (again!) and came across a programme charting britains favourite number one hit singles of all time, so i thought i'd try my own. in no particular order....

1) queen - bohemian rhapsody
2) daniel bedingfield - gotta get thru this
3) enrique iglesias - hero
4) darius - colourblind
5) michael andrews ft. gary jules - mad world
6) peter andre - mysterious girl (i know, i know! guilty pleasure)
7) take that - back for good
8) blur - country house
9) michael jackson - earth song
10) babylon zoo - spaceman
11) oasis - dont look back in anger
12) deep blue something - breakfast at tiffany's
13) prodigy - breathe
14) boyzone - a different beat
15) hanson - MMMbop (!)
16) cornershop - brimful of asha
17) lenny kravitz - fly away
18) westlife - flying without wings
19) ricky martin - livin la vida loca (!)
20) bangles - eternal flame
21) john lennon - imagine
22) soft cell - tainted love
23) queen and david bowie - under pressure
24) police - every breath you take
25) david bowie - space oddity
26) police - message in a bottle
27) T rex - get it on
28) t rex - telegram sam
29) beach boys - good vibrations
30) the kinks - sunny afternoon
31) the beatles - hey jude
32) robbie williams - angels
33) busted - you said no
34) u2 - vertigo
35) the verve - the drugs dont work
36) pink - just like a pill
37) daniel bedingfield - if you're not the one
38) the fugees - killing me softly
39) blur - beetlebum
40) no doubt - dont speak

god that was difficult! bit of a cheese-fest in places i know - but they're all songs i love! and im not (too) ashamed to admit it : )

Stupid Customer Comment

"i'm a bit hard of hearing in my ear"! no, i thought it was in your arse....

Funny Book Titles

40 Yards to the Latrine by Willy Makeit and Betty Wont
After The Corned Beef And Cabbage: Kay O'Pectate
Banquet at McDonalds: Tommy Ayk
Chinese Apathy: Hu Cares
Decorating your Mousehole: Minnie Blinds
Erotic Adventures by Oliver Klozoff
Full Moon by Seymour Buns
Greek Unbeliever!: Hera Tick
Handel's Messiah by Ollie Luyah
I Read You Like A Book: Claire Voyant

End Of The World

looking for opinions here (plus i fancied doing a bit of lazy blogging!!) - how do you think the world will end?
personally, i think we will eventually find there is life of mars. then the martians will overpower our astronauts and command their spaceship/shuttle/rocket/transport thingy back to earth, where they'll blow themselves and our planet up on a suicide bomber mission!

Idioms And Their Origins

Bad hair day A bad hair day is one of those days when nothing seems to be going right. Originated in the 1992 movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This was the exact lines from the film:Buffy (Kristy Swanson) to the one-armed vampire Amilyn (Paul Reubens):"I'm fine but you're obviously having a bad hair day."

Cock and bull story'A Cock and Bull story' is a form of Chinese whispers. It comes from a long time ago when the two most popular pubs in a village were The Cock and The Bull. If a story started in The Cock, by the time it got to The Bull it had been either twisted or exaggerated.

In the bag Meaning 'secured' this idiom Originated in Great Britian when a bag was placed under the Speaker's chair. If there was a petition that was 'put in the bag' then it must be raised on that day.

In the buffThis idiom refers to being naked and originated from the colored shorts that the military wore during medical parades.

3 Rules For How To SIng The Blues

1. Most Blues begin “woke up this morning.”

2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in right away:I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.She got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weighs 500 pounds.

My Top 10 Albums....

....for the moment at least! in no particular order

1) james blunt - back to bedlam
2) foo fighters - in your honour
3) my chemical romance - three cheers for sweet revenge
4) green day - nimrod
5) athlete - tourist
6) damien rice - o
7) kaiser chiefs - employment
8) the killers - hot fuss
9) snow patrol - final straw
10) kasabian - kasabian

Inspiration

i just announced to one of my work colleagues that inspiration was finally flowing through me - his reply was "bettter not get your seat wet"! how rude! he also made some comments about creative juices flowing, which i wont repeat here! use your imagination......

Splash!

i was watching the movie splash! last night (sad i know - but how cute was tom hanks in his younger days?!), and for the first time, it highlighted something for me - how fickle people can be! you've got tom hanks saying he'll never fall in love again, then he gets saved by a mermaid who cant speak for a while, and they end up snogging each others faces off and shagging like rabbits! disgraceful :)

Muses

can you have a male muse? or are they called by another name?

Glastonbury

know its a bit late to be blogging about this, but better late than never! was watching the highlights of glastonbury till 2am this morning. loved the performances by the killers, maximo park, kaiser chiefs, kasabian, the doves, razorlight, willy mason (weird for me as im not too keen on him!), athlete and futureheads. bit disappointed by the white stripes - they're normally v good live, but jacks voice didnt sound so good this time. plus he looked like michael jackson crossed with a scared rabbit on speed. 3 outstanding performances for me though - martha and rufus wainwright, james blunt and kt tunstall. rufus and marhta did an acoustic set which was fantastically brilliant, they both have incredible voices. james blunt did an acoustic set singing "Beautiful", which is one of my favourite songs of the moment. kt tunstall - she was live on the Other Stage. that girl has a fantastic voice, and has caused me to like a style of music i had never even ecplored before, despite my open-mindedness towards music.

Sunday Morning

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

Finally Confessed!

i finally admitted to my mate mark that i had put him on the hot or not website! he wasnt best pleased - first of all because he only had a rating of 4, and secondly cos ive used that pic of him with his leg behind his head (see earlier posts)! oops, my bad :)

Unusual Hangover Cures

1) grab a nipple - drink breast milk!
2) salt lake city - american indians used to go for a run untill they broke into a sweat, then lick off the sweat and spit it out!
3) el lemon - in puerto rico they rub a lemon under their drinking arm. bit harsh for women if they've just had a shave!
4) sheep balls - in outer mongolia they consumer a pickled sheep's eye in tomato juice!
5) majes - these are eaten in holland to combat hangovers. they are raw, fresh salted baby herrings!

Hangover Cures

1) eating burnt toast - if it doesnt work, the horrible taste will take your mind off it for a while!
2) eating cabbage - clears out the toxins in your body
3) drink water - likewise
4) take a multi vitamin - alcohol removes a lot of vitamins from your body
5) eat! - this increases the speed at which your body processes alcohol
6) fresh air and excercise - possibly the last thing you wanna do!
7) icepack - stick it on your head and lie down. helps ease head pains!
8) eat bananas - they contain a natural antiacid which will help with the nausea
9) eat tomatoes - apparently you will feel better in 15 mins!
10) go back to bed!

BB5 Final

anthony won! very pleased as i cant stand eugene. hes so annoying and very boring - and i reckon he has potential to be a proper bitch!
the makosi interview was interesting....while she was in the house, i didnt really have much of an opinion on her, other than she can be bit of a bitch. but after watching the interview, i have come to the conclusion that she is a big headed lying bitch! and bollocks to davina saying that none of the housemates were actors - i am fairly certain makosi was. still not sure about that whole sex in the pool business tho.... i reckon they didnt do it, as makosi just giggled when asked for confirmation, whereas anthony was fairly firm over the fact nothing happened.

it was great seeing the old housemates again. kemal looked "simply divine, darling!". cant believe maxwell and sakia are still together. ah well, give it till this time next year when all the magazine deals have run dry....

Weird News Stories

1) Frogs with regional accents!

apparently a rare breed of frogs with regional accents have been released back to their natural habitat in norfolk! scientists have analysed recordings of mating frogs from around europe and it was discovered that norfolk frogs have a norfolk accent? weirdness.

2) Power plant staff warned over "sex spies"!

staff at a nuclear power plant have been advised to avoid holiday flings in case they are seduced into giving away secrets!

Chris's Questions

1) Best band you have ever seen live?

steve and the steves!

2) What is your dream job?

working with steve!

3) Have you ever won a competion

yep - to sit next to the steve!

4) You're invited to an orgy....Do you accept or decline the invitation? And why?

accept....if the steve is there!

5) If you could teach a cat to talk what would be the first word you teach it?

steve!

Jon's Questions

five questions from jon.... rules to follow afterwards...

1) whats the stupidest chat up line you've ever used?

never used one. honest! im too shy to chat guys up. the worst one ive had used on me was : " in my chart, you'd be my number one" (because i always used to listen to the top 40 on a sunday and we were talking about this at the time). i just laughed at him cos i didnt know what to say!

2) if you could star in a tv show, which one and why?

two pints of lager and a packet of crisps. cos its a great show, i wanna smack louise cos shes so annoying, i want to do dirty things with her cute aussie boyfriend david, and i spend a lot of my time in the pun anyway!

3) as a girl, what was the most embarassing song you liked and practised the dance routine to?

"spice up your life" by the spice girls! yikes! we had to do the dance routine for a talent contest during a school holiday in france. aaah memories.....

4) whats the daftest thing you've done to try and fit in with other people?

getting drunk during my lunch hour at work. while i was in training. nearly lost my job...

5) pot noodle or super noodles?

hmmm... pot noodle. but only the beef and tomato ones! the rest are vile

Rules

Leave me a comment saying interview me please.
I will respond by asking you five questions (not the same five i answered)
You will update your blog/site with the interview questions
You will include this explanation and offer to interview someone else in the same post
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Unusual Crisp Flavours

these are all true! honest! i researched them on t'internet! (im bored can you tell? lol)

Lager
Scampi and Lemon
Cheese and branston pickle
baked beans (comic relief crisps!)
marmite (urrggh!)
ham and pickle
bacon and ketchup (interesting....)
thai lime and ginger
greek kebab
tomato and basil
chargrilled steak
paprika
seaweed
curry

Joke

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?"The man says, "Methodist."St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?""Baptist.""Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?""Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"St. Peter tells him, "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.

White At Weddings?

looking for some knowledge here.....

my housemate went out and bought an outfit for a wedding, and came back with all white clothes. now, i thought that wearing white, cream or ivory at a wedding was a bit of a no-no. reason being the bride could be wearing any of these colours. am i wrong?

"Paparazzi Shot While Stalking Britney"

so they should be!! here's the story...

A photographer has been shot with a pellet gun while staking out Britney Spears.
The man, identified as Brad Diaz, was about 200 yards from a house where the pregnant singer was thought to be attending a bridal shower.

It was unclear who fired the plastic pellet, which hit Diaz in the leg.
Malibu Sheriff's Department Lt Steve Smith said firefighters bandaged the wound before Diaz was taken to hospital.
Lt Smith said: "It could've been somebody driving by, walking by, we have no idea where it came from."
Diaz was one of about 10 photographers standing in the street outside the house.
Police initially said the home belonged to Spears, but later said it belonged to someone else and that the Toxic singer was a frequent guest.

Headsets Mcgee!!

"Britain Had Been Warned!"

just found this rather disturbing article on the sky news website - apparently the government was warned about the london bombing around 4 months before the event occurred! the saudi ambassador for the uk has said that the turkish government advised our government that information had been obtained from suspects being interrogated in turkey. apparently. our government have said that they "do not recognise" the details of the saudi government claims....

Top 20 Celebs To Snog

in no particular order.....

1) ioan gruffudd
2) david tennant
3) johhny depp
4) gerrard way
5) billie joe armstrong
6) dave grohl
7) damon albarn
8) ewan mcgreggor
9) charlie simpson
10) haydn christensen
11) hugh grant
12) james blunt
13) david walliams
14) viggo mortensen
15) lauri ylonen
16) johnny borrell
17) matt bellamy
18) joel madden
19) antonio banderas
20) rupert everett

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?....

Jessica Simpson 's Answer:Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?

Homer Simpson 's Answer:There was free beer on the other side of the road.

Snoop Dogg 's Answer:This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) knowwhat the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.

Shakespeare 's Answer:To cross or not to cross, that is the question.

Jack Nicholson's Answer:'Cause it (censored) wanted to.That's the (censored) reason.

The Sphinx's Answer:You tell me.

Office Slang

Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “I dunno, ask Rick. He’s our alpha geek.”

Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Batmobiling - putting up emotional shields. Refers to the retracting armor that covers the Batmobile as in “she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling”

Beepilepsy - The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

Blamestorming - A group discussion of why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on some people’s computer keyboards.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.

Badgers Do It In The Dark!!!

Humans aren't the only animals who prefer their nookie with the lights off.
Badgers also get a bit shy when dealing with the amorous attentions of their men if it's too light.

Research suggests the notoriously shy creatures prefer to get down to it when the moon is waning and the night sky is darker.
Females appear "tolerant or indifferent" to sex during a new moon and outright "hostile" when the moon is full and at its brightest.
But they become decidedly frisky during the last quarter and many more matings occur.
Dr David Dixon, a marine biologist who studies the UK's largest terrestrial carnivore as a hobby, made the discovery during a three-year study in Plymouth.
Dr Dixon's findings are supported by old natural history books and journals, which also note that matings peak during the darker phases of the moon.
Badger mating can last 90 minutes or more.
Romantic clinches in bright moonlight could in the past have put them at risk of attack by predators.

Strange Facts

More Monopoly money is printed yearly than real money throughout the world.
A dentist invented the Electric Chair.
A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
About 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens each year.
Alfred Hitchcock did not have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.
On average, every chocolate bar contains at least three insect legs.
10 percent of all human beings ever born are alive at this very moment.
85% of men who die of heartattacks during intercourse, are found to have been cheating on their wives.
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

43.7% of all statistics are made up right on the spot!!!!!!

More Crazy Thoughts!

1) Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
2) Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
3) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
4) Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
5) Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?
6)Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?
7) Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?

Crazy Thoughts

1) Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings?
2) Can an unborn baby fart or burp?
3) If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness?
4) Are there pink lemons that make pink lemonade?
5)How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
6) Can a person with no ears wear glasses?
7) Are people who are allergic to nuts allergic to coconuts too?
8) If someone's peeing and halfway through they die, would they keep pissing or stop?
9) Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?
10)Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?
11)Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?
12)If you swallow a burp does it turn into a fart?
13)Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?
14) When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Monkey Business

MONKEY BUSINESS AT NO.10
Protesters dressed in monkey outfits accompanied an MP to Downing Street to demand a total ban on primate testing in the UK.

Liberal Democrat Norman Baker handed in a petition with 163,000 signatures on it.
It marked the launch of a "Next of Kin" campaign organised by the British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection (BUAV).
It has the backing of celebrities comic Alexei Sayle, sports presenter Helen Chamberlain and actress Jenny Seagrove are backing the campaign.
Home Office figures for 2003 show that more than 3,000 non-human primates were used in the UK, a rise of 20% on the previous year.
The campaign organisers say the procedures are liable to have caused "pain, suffering, distress or lasting harm," but alternatives are available.
Less than 20% of medical primate use is for medical research, with 70% for pharmaceutical companies.

Human For Sale

thanks to the toothfairy for this idea....check out this website - http://www.humanforsale.com. let me know what you are worth!
i am worth $1,026,998 apparently!

Scream Overplay

had a fantastic saturday afternoon! went to this festival of unsigned bands called scream overplay. it was a small venue so the noise leverl was amazingly loud! although the crowd were dull - the bands were playing rock music and there were people sitting down!

this 1st pic is of the band that kicked off the festival - they are called one man down, and were apparently one man down! as there are normally 4 of them. there were 3 of them (despite the fact there are only 2 of them in the picture - the bassist is to the left somewhere!). they were pretty cool, slight hint of placebo about one of the songs, while another song had a mexi-greek feel to it (mixture of mexican and greek sounds - according to the lead singer anyway!

this was the 2nd band (called resound i think). managed to chop off the guitarist on the left again. d'oh! slightly more likely to be heading for commercial success than the first band - they had an amazing live presence and energy that i feel could be transferred to a bigger stage. in my opinion, the main musical influence here was the strokes. indeed, the lead singer even looked like a member of the strokes!

didnt catch the name of the next band. they were replacing a band called empire. they rocked! they were a bit too hardcore for my mates it seems, but i was lovin it. the bald headed guitarist just played with so much energy - he looked like he wanted to rip that guitar to shreds!

look what i had to put up with to enjoy some music! haha only jokin guys. from left to right: matt, chris, maz and the steve. great time had by all i think!

the final band we saw were called the light. i found them quite dull as all the songs sounded the same! according to the steve, they are very like shed seven....

Not So Pretty Polly,,,

We're going to get straight down to business with this one - it's a quiet news day and the following contains no IT angle whatsoever except one terrible acronym-driven pun the perpetrator of which has been put on UK IT reseller financial results duty for a week.
IT angle or not, we feel obliged to salute Barney, the "VoIP" macaw ("vocally obnoxious indignant parrot"), who has brought shame and disgrace on Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary in Nuneaton by hurling vile abuse at visiting VIPs.
First up, the five-year-old feathered fiend called a vicar a "wanker", a judgement also passed on local police officers. Warming to the task, Barney then told the mayoress to "fuck off", something which is considered rather bad form in Nuneaton.
Delightfully, centre manager Geoff Grewcock confirmed to UK tabloid the Sun that Barney's favourite expletive is "bollocks", one of a number of top-notch terms he learned from his former owner - a trucker.
The problem is, the sanctuary is often frequented by impressionable kiddies, so Barney has been quarantined until he cleans up his act. Grewcock said he was now on a crash-diet of documentaries and TV news, so presumably he will soon be entertaining the crowds with outbursts of "shoot to kill!" and other topical phrases. ®