Merseyside Mourns Dead Chicken

Merseyside police have ordered the local community to "stop grieving" after Liverpudlians flocked to deposit flowers, cards and teddy bears in tribute to a dead chicken found in an alleyway. According to the BBC, one card read: "RIP Little Baby. Safe in the arms of Jesus. From someone who is a loving mother xxxx."

A spokeswoman for Merseyside police explained to the BBC: "It seems a member of the public saw the remains of a foetus, which possibly resembled a human foetus, and called us. We cordoned off the area to investigate, as we would with any possible suspicious death, but it became apparent it was not a human foetus. The flowers and cards are obviously the result of local gossip, but we can assure people that the remains were not human."

Accordingly the Old Bill on Monday issued a "stop grieving, it's only a chicken" edict. The BBC rather unfairly concludes by noting that Spectator editor Boris Johnson last year attracted a hailstorm of flack for condemning Liverpudlians as "hooked on grief". ®